Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your resting bitch face means that you have to work twice as hard for people to like you half as much. Unfortunate, but true.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

One positive of winter is that no one has to see your feet for the next 5 months or so. Take care of those before next summer.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

When you have an animal, you have to be skeptical as to if people are coming over to hangout with you or your furry friend (because it’s usually your pet).

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Countdowns are for the weak. Focus on now instead of the future, and you might actually start passing some tests.

Leo (July 23 – August 23)

Gaining the freshman 15 should only happen during freshman year. The gym is your friend, not your enemy (especially with all your stress eating).

Virgo (August 24 – September 22)

These moody skies give you all the feels, but that doesn’t mean that anyone needs (or wants) to see your crappy poetry that it inspires.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Watch your self-absorption or watch your friends disappear. Your pick!

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

A fish does not count as a pet, and you do not get to cry when it dies.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Your birthday season is fast approaching, but remember that it’s called a birthDAY for a reason. And keep in mind that throwing yourself a party is only acceptable until High School.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

We understand you’re busy, but hygiene always needs to be one of your very top priorities.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Take your cheerful disposition and shove it in a drawer until winter break. None of your peers can handle it right now.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

There is nothing more irritating than grade grubbing. Do it right the first time, or take your C and be on your way.


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