Aries: The girl of your dreams turns out to be a witch. Run… like, really fast.
Taurus: The internship you were supposed to have over the summer will fall through. Turns out they found your picture on US Party Stories. That’s embarrassing.
Gemini: Your Trivia Crack accurately shows how much smarter your friends are than you.
Cancer: You’ll wake up to find the 200 dollars you had in your wallet is gone. Guess you thought buying everyone a shot at The Jug was a good idea…again.
Leo: Remember to say “hi” to the Walmart greeters. They don’t forget that shit.
Virgo: You have over 1,000 friends on Facebook but don’t have any actual friends. Stop scrolling through social media and start making some friends, dude.
Libra: You will go to make guacamole and find that all of your avocados are rotten. Worst. Day. Ever.
Scorpio: You’ll get food poisoning from the dining hall. Which one? All of them.
Sagittarius: Today the person you thought you were in a relationship with will call you a “salty side-bitch.” Welp, guess you’re back to being single.
Capricorn: After driving over two hours to a concert you were super psyched about you find out it’s sold-out. Then, your car doesn’t start. Better luck next time.
Aquarius: You’re trying to find a job and not even Taco Bell will hire you. That’s when you know it’s bad.
Pisces: You can’t afford the 25 dollars it costs to drop the class you are going to fail. Yikes.