Marielle Genovesi, Staff Writer
Do you feel as if there has been an impending cloud of doom hanging over your shoulders lately? Are you constantly giving your dearest friends attitude? Hyperventilating while marching to Netzer to deal with next semester’s scheduling? Drinking over three cups of coffee a day and attempting not to visibly shake? Hanging out in Milne Library until the wee hours of the morning? Well, then you’re one stressed out individual. Here are some tips to get you through the last few weeks of this semester, because your sanity matters to us at The State Times:
1. Do some hot yoga. Crank up the heat, shed the clothes, light some candles, play some sensual music and don’t be afraid to get into it. Good for the mind and the body.
2. Look at pictures of Ryan Gosling on Google. Yeah dudes, you too.
3. Take a walk or go on a run—exercise helps to clear the mind and releases endorphins. College Camp could be your happy place.
4. Pet therapy. Find a dog, a cat or a wild bunny and seriously, just pet away your problems. Don’t you wish you were an animal right now?
5. Give yourself an inspiring speech in the mirror. Nobody will judge you.
6. Call your mom and sob hysterically into the phone for a few minutes. Crying it all out may do the trick.
7. Eat peanut butter from the jar with your fingers.
8. Chew as many pieces of gum as you can.
9. Take a couple sniffs of your laundry detergent. It’s a comforting smell.
10. Feed that massive fish in the pond. Yeah, you know which one I’m talking about.
11. Coloring books are your new bible.
12. Turn off the lights, crank up the tunes and have a 10-minute dance party in your room. Shake your booty as much as possible.
13. Recruit someone to rub your back in circular motions.
14. Stand in a hot shower until someone kicks you out, or your backside gets too red.
15. Watch a really bad comedy. Or a really good comedy. Laughing is a good thing.
16. Hit the snooze early. Dreamland is stress free.
17. Rub your face on something soft. 
18. Make lists. Lots of lists. Lists are good things.
19. Drink ‘till you can’t drink no more.
20. Have A LOT of sex. (If you are lucky enough to be able to do that on the reg.)
If you try all these things and you still find yourself pulling out your hair and forgetting to breathe, making screeching sounds at random times, staring into space for too long or speed walking everywhere … you’re totally screwed. Or you’ll eventually be fine. Summer will be here faster than you think! Hang in there.
I really enjoyed this. Very funny and useful.