Aries (March 21 – April 19)
When your significant other tells you that they don’t watch porn, ask them to have a conversation about honesty and open communication.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
The point-of-no-return is absolutely not a thing when it comes to deciding you’d rather not have sex. Blue balls have never killed anyone.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Don’t waste your money on lingerie. He wants to see you naked, not dressed up.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Being in a relationship is nice when you want to grab lunch or watch a movie, but until you can learn to control your tongue at the bar it’s something you shouldn’t be a participant in.
Leo (July 23 – August 23)
In your head, drunk sex is wild, fun, and sexy. In reality, drunk sex is sloppy, loud, and humiliating. Someone had to tell you.
Virgo (August 24 – September 22)
If you’re both down to do butt stuff that’s great, but be very aware of the risks that come with it, or you might find yourself in a shitty situation.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Condoms are expensive, but not nearly as expensive as Plan B. Don’t let Plan B be your Plan A!
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Don’t underestimate the power of wearing undergarments that make you happy. You know it’s going to be a good day when your underwear makes you smile.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Have a conversation with your partner before pulling out your porn-inspired moves. Not everyone is okay with getting their mouth spat in.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Faking an orgasm isn’t a crime, but you lose the right to complain if your partner’s not doing it for you because they definitely have been thinking that they do.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Sexual attraction isn’t the only criteria for a happy relationship, but it’s for sure an important part of it. Like 75 to 90 percent of it.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
If your partner’s in the mood and you’re not, bring up important issues like presidential candidate Trump. Is there a bigger turnoff than Donald Trump? Doubtful.