Aries: Your favorite song will come on at the bar and as soon as you go to bust a move you fall and slip across the entire dance floor. You should probably go home and shower.
Taurus: You’re out of Declining and Dragon Dollars and your bank account is at zero, meaning you have fifteen dollars to your name. Yup, you’re going to spend it on food.
Gemini: You finish that 30-page paper but forget to cite one thing. That’s plagiarism. See ya next year, bud.
Cancer: You will trip while walking up to the podium to receive your very fake diploma, but will trip and fall straight into the arms of President Kleniewski.
Leo: You’ll go out drinking the night before graduation and miss the ceremony, letting your friends and family down in the process.
Virgo: After you graduate you will continue to call Yellow Deli every day to ask what the Soup of the Day is. It’s time to move on.
Libra: Your television will crap out during the last five minutes of the new Game of Thrones episode. Somebody doesn’t want you to be happy.
Scorpio: After a long night out you walk 2 miles to go to the the mac-and-cheese cart. You get there and it’s not there. Night ruined.
Sagittarius: A cop will pull you over in the middle of nowhere and give you a ticket. That means you will have to drive back to the middle of nowhere for court, and obviously pay for the ticket. Tough luck.
Capricorn: Your house will get robbed and the person will steal your GoPro, laptop and pillow pet. That’s basically like your entire life getting taken from you. I’m so sorry.
Aquarius: You’re out of Declining and Dragon Dollars and your bank account is at zero, meaning you have fifteen dollars to your name. Yup, you’re going to spend it on food.
Pisces: Remember that beautiful weather? It’s going to snow this weekend.