Laura Nayibi Arias, Culture Editor
“Why can’t I have an orgasm?” ask many frustrated women who believe to be missing the essence of sexual encounters when they find themselves not achieving an orgasm during intercourse; faking it instead. While 75 percent of women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone, 10 percent of women will never have an orgasm in their lifetime (mostly because they never find out how to), which is known as anorgasmia. Many worry about not being able to enjoy sex because they do not climax and others search for answers from countless gynecologists, yearning to find a solution to their inconvenient truth.
Yet, experts suggest that women have to become familiar with their sexual anatomy in order for them to know what gives them pleasure and what they would like their partners to do with or to them. Sexologist Pierre Desvaux states that “It’s important for a woman to be able to discover pleasure by herself because once you have had that experience, you can use it with your partner.” It is suggested that through masturbation a woman can explore her sexual anatomy, not only understanding it, but also learning what she likes. Though it is thought to be something that most women don’t do, according to the National Health and Social Life Survey, 39 percent of American women ages 18 to 60 reported that they have masturbated, so don’t be a stranger to your own body. After all, how can you know what you want if you have not found out for yourself?
Knowing what an orgasm feels like is critical to being able to identify it. In the documentary “The Female Orgasm Explained” by Sophie Jeaneau, which involves a series of interviews with women who participated to openly discuss their sexual experiences, one of the women, Ingrid, says “You know when you’ve come. You feel liberated. There’s a release. Pleasure grows and suddenly explodes.” Another woman, Xaviere, explains it as a moment where a woman reaches the peak of pleasure. But women may experience a wide range of feelings when having an orgasm. Some even say that they get cold and hot flashes, while others shake uncontrollably. Orgasms are unique to all women so getting to know how yours feels will help you identify when and if it happens. Some women in the documentary claimed that sometimes one may orgasm and not necessarily realize.
So how can I achieve an orgasm? Achieving an orgasm is possible one way or another. Whether it is with the use of sex toys or direct penetration, you can have an orgasm. After becoming familiar with what satisfies you and contributes to your arousal, you must ask yourself if you receive the most pleasure from clitoral stimulation or vaginal penetration.
Clitoral orgasms occur when there is direct thrusting of the clitoris. Whether it is with rubbing, sucking, using sex toys or an acutal penis, you might orgasm with just the right type of penetration to the clitoris. Vaginal orgasms happen when there is thrusting inside the vagina and one climaxes. This may occur when coming in contact with the G-spot or other zones of intense pleasure. If for some reason you feel that you’re having sex but it does not feel as good as when you masturbate or have been pleasured in the past, just try to mimic it and if you need to get creative, do so. This is all a learning experience.
When attempting a vaginal orgasm, it is probably crucial that the G-spot be found by either yourself or your partner. Many wonder if the G-spot has an impact on the orgasm and while some are not sure of it, others have witnessed that it definitely does. In addition to the G-spot ther are three other “special” zones that are known to cause utter pleasure.
If you definitely want to enjoy sex and you feel that engaging with the G-spot and the other “special” zones will do that for you, make sure your partner knows what you would like from the sexual practice. It is important that you let your partner know what you want, even if you think it would be a difficult conversation to have.
Many of the times when the G-spot is not known or found, women will just not orgasm, rather they will either fake it or get upset at their partner for not satisfying them. The most commonly known action taken by women when they don’t orgasm is faking. Why fake it? Most of the time women fake orgasms because they do not want their partner to feel insecure about not being able to satisfy them. But women, and even men, have to voice what they are and are not enjoying during sex. Psychologytoday.com suggests that in a 2009 study, researchers at the University of Kansas surveyed several hundred students about their experiences with—and reasons for—faking orgasms. The researchers found that about one quarter of males and one half of females admitted to faking. It is projected that these numbers are much higher among the general population.
Don’t fake it, make it! Get to know your body and get to know what you like. Sex is a wonderful thing when it can be enjoyed by all parties.