Aries (March 21 – April 19)

As it’s gotten colder, you’ve had a more difficult time getting out of bed. That’s normal. But pretending you’re a bear to try to justify hibernating… not normal.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You’ve become tangibly hostile towards the majority of people—like a porcupine who bristles every time someone walks by. Try to keep your spikes to yourself.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Cats usually hiss before they scratch or bite. Take a lesson from them; give a warning before you completely freak-out on someone.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Ostriches stick their heads in the ground to avoid confrontation. Your approach to conflict is similar. Know that this is not an admirable way to deal with your issues.

Leo (July 23 – August 23)

Female lions do 90 percent of the hunting for their herds. This is just one of the many contributing factors that prove that girls do, in fact, run the world.

Virgo (August 24 – September 22)

Alligators can live to be 100 years old. That means that unless you start taking better care of yourself, an alligator will live longer than you.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

If you were an insect, you would be an ant because ants never sleep and neither do you. The difference is, ants don’t need sleep, and you do.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Goats and sheep are seasonal breeders, kind of like your cuffing season (which is fast approaching so it’s time to start considering your winter companion).

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Cows have four stomachs, allowing them to digest huge amounts of food in a reasonable amount of time. You, however, have one stomach, so you really can’t afford to eat like a cow.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Humans share 70 percent of their DNA with slugs. Think of that next time you begin to trick yourself into thinking you’re better than someone else.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb tress, proving that you can do anything you set your mind to!

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Giraffes, despite their long necks, have no vocal cords. Yet another example of why you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.

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