Hallowscopes

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

The only thing scary about Halloween at this age is how bad the hangover is the next day.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

It’s acceptable to dress up while going out Thursday through Monday. Don’t be an eager beaver, or risk being the only one dressed up at the bars.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Couple costumes are only cute when the couple isn’t screaming at each other. Make your drink of choice one that leaves you bubbly instead of angry this Halloween.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Everyone knows that Halloween is a great excuse to dress more liberally. However, careful with your consumption if your costume hem is short, or people may end up seeing more than you intended— or the perfect amount ;).

Leo (July 23 – August 23)

You shouldn’t judge a person on their costume. But if they’re dressed as a clown, you have full permission to tell them you’re not interested in their company.

Virgo (August 24 – September 22)

Minimal effort costumes are cool with your fellow peers; we get that none of us have a lot of time or money. But show up with no costume and you’ll just be labeled as no fun.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Candy is part of the spirit of Halloween, but keep in mind that it won’t taste as good coming up as it did going down.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

If you manage to make it out all five nights of Halloween this year your friends will commend you. But your grades and bank account will drop, and your liver might fail on you.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Flying solo works well for you this weekend because being the Playboy Bunny one night and Hugh Hefner another will have you feeling on-top this Halloween.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Keep in mind that just because it’s Halloweekend doesn’t mean that the law against public nudity is repealed. Ditch the idea of the naked cowboy/girl.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Remember that Halloween isn’t entirely about treats. You’re likely to receive a few tricks as well during this spooky season.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Staying in on Halloween isn’t the worst decision you’ll ever make. But that’s not saying much, you make a lot of poor decisions.