Aries (March 21 – April 19)

The only thing that sounds worse than class at this point is group project meetings. Five students, one meeting time, one task. Can they do it? Probably not.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

It’s that time of year again – time to actually sit down with the syllabus and figure out the percentages of each class to find the least amount of work you can do and still pass.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

When your professor asks you to read for class: start of semester, you read. Middle of semester, you flipped through. Now that sentence processes as “sweet, no homework.”

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Extra credit means extra effort, and that’s just not something you’re willing to give right now.

Leo (July 23 – August 23)

The Dean’s List always seems like a very real possibility during the first two weeks of the semester. The last two weeks is a whole other story.

Virgo (August 24 – September 22)

Your parents have asked you to be thinking about when you’re moving out, but moving out means the year is ending. And the year ending means goodbye to college life. The result: your parents surprising you to help you move out on a very hungover Saturday morning.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

The Jug and The Sip both know you as a regular. Legends knows you as the kid who won’t leave at closing, and Therapy knows you as the only student who uses the bar as legitimate therapy.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Even more depressing than your final grades is going to be your bank account by finals. But hey, more money, more problems, right?

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Counting down the school days will be easier if you use some other countdown instead; like “Days until you get to see your cat!”

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Your brain is absolute mush at this point. So it’s best to say as little as you possibly can to avoid any sort of uncontrollable, incomprehensible verbal verbosity.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

The downside of only having two more Mondays here is that you only get two more Fridays as well.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Just think, you only have two more weeks of telling acquaintances that you “definitely have to get coffee at some point!” before you stop running into these people. #Whew

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