Vaycayscopes

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Be real – you’re not going to get much done over spring break. Work extra hard this week so you can chill extra hard next week.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

The classic spring break involves alcohol, bikinis, and beaches; but this is New York in early March. Snacks, couches, and movies are second best anyway.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You deserve to have fun over break, but getting sloppy drunk and puking in your mom’s car is not fun. Feel out the night before throwing back six, seven, or eight shots.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Sunburn on your vacation would be a bummer. Skin cancer later on in life would be a bigger bummer. Don’t forget to pack sunscreen!

Leo (July 23 – August 23)

Going home and being bored over break is absolutely not a good excuse to “reconnect” with high school exes. Unless you’re desperate for drama.

Virgo (August 24 – September 22)

Spring Break Drinking Game: Every time someone asks you “How’s school going?” take a shot. Every time someone asks you about your post-college plan, respond by taking two shots. (Warning: You’re almost guaranteed to black out).

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

It’s all fun and games until your parents ask you why they were charged for three Bahama Mamas, two Appletinis, and three Pina Coladas and your memory can’t provide an explanation.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

We all understand that living with your parents (even just for break) is difficult after living on your own. But living in their house means living by their rules – so don’t expect to be able to continue hot-boxing the bathroom every morning.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Don’t worry about not being spring break-body ready yet. It’s not like you were ever actually going to get in shape this year anyway.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Try to hangout with at least one person over break. No, your pets don’t count.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Remember that you’ll be applying for real jobs soon before tearing off your clothing to participate in any type of streaking or wild parties.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

We have less than 75 days until the end of the semester, including weekends and spring break. Use that terrifying information to motivate yourself to do what needs to get done this week (and over spring break).