Aries (March 21 – April 19)

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, know that it’s okay to buy yourself chocolates, but it’s not okay to pretend someone else bought them for you.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Truly monogamous relationships do exist throughout the animal kingdom (ie: swans, wolves). However, college students are not included on the list.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

It only takes four minutes to decide if you like someone or not. So start setting a timer at the bar and stop wasting your time.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Just keep in mind that roses are red, violets are blue, and vodka is cheaper than dinner for two.

Leo (July 23 – August 23)

An attractive face is valued higher than an attractive body for long-term relationships. If you’re not looking for a long-term relationship, a butterface is the way to go.

Virgo (August 24 – September 22)

Holding a loved one’s hand can relieve pain and stress, but so can holding a loved one’s paw, so basically a cat is just as good as a significant other.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Dilated pupils show attraction, and knowing this can save you the pain of being rejected. It’s all in the eyes.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Stop disregarding the people your friends are trying to set you up with; more than 60% of married couples met through a friend!

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Two percent of men have reported finding love in a bar, and one can only assume that the percentage of finding love on Tinder is even less.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

There are about 40 million Americans using online dating websites… but you really should be able to meet someone offline while in your 20s going to College.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Make sure you’re in with your significant other’s friends. 40 percent of women would consider dumping their boyfriend if their friends don’t like him.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

88 percent of women consider money to be a big factor in relationships. Try to not end up being or dating one of these women.

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