Halloscopes

 

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Snickers, Twix, and Reese’s never taste as good coming back up. Be careful what drinks you choose to mix with them.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Halloween in the Halls is FOR THE KIDS ONLY. I’m sorry.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

It’s perfectly acceptable to stay in this Halloween and binge watch all of the Halloweentown movies with a bag of candy.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Yes, it is politically incorrect and offensive for you to dress up as a “cute” or “sexy” Native American, tribal warrior, Nun, homeless person, etc.… please think about your costume before making a jerk of yourself.

Leo (July 23 – August 23)

“In Girl World, Halloween is the one day a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” Mean Girls is always right, take advantage of that.

Virgo (August 24 – September 22)

Some people might say that being a cat is basic, but those are probably the same people who dressed up as ghosts, witches, and devils in elementary school. Tell me THAT wasn’t basic.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

If you haven’t seen Hocus Pocus yet this year, you need to prioritize this week. If you haven’t seen Hocus Pocus ever, it’s time to start questioning your upbringing.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Not everyone deserves treats at Halloween. Remember that trick is also always an option.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

It would be great to make it out past 11p.m. this year. However, you know that nothing good happens after 2a.m., so strike a good balance.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Please don’t be one of those people that dresses up for class. It just makes everyone so uncomfortable.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

DO NOT have high expectations for Halloween. The higher the expectations, the farther the fall on the let down. Remember that it’s a holiday centered on kids and candy, neither of which cater to college students.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Scary movies and cuddles are always great alternatives to blacking out and waking up with half a costume and two new scars.