Marielle Genovesi- Culture Editor
Aries: It’s not really okay that you decided to write that Oneonta Crush post for yourself at 3 am. We all feel lonely, sometimes but you shouldn’t have to stoop to that level.
Taurus: You forgot to close the bathroom door at a party and everyone saw you naked.
Gemini: Everyone got a Snapchat of your bare ass, and they considered it comparable to the moon.
Cancer: Your neighbor has been spying on you every Tuesday and Thursday at exactly 8 pm for the whole year.
Leo: A few weeks ago you decided to keep an ID you found, hoping to be able to use it the next time you went to the bar, however you won’t be ready for the surprise when it turns out to be the bouncer’s own ID!
Virgo: Your Facebook says that you’re engaged to your cousin because someone thought they should mess with you. Please remedy this ASAP.
Libra: This rumor about how you once made out with your professor will start, even though it’s anywhere close from the truth. I would watch out, because someone must be out to get you.
Scorpio: You won’t find your true love on Tinder, because it’s a scary, scary place.
Sagittarius: The cops are coming to arrest you for your past posts on Formspring.
Capricorn: You have been on a Facebook stalking kick as of late, and every one you have been stalking knows, because you’ve accidentally “liked” all their pictures. Woops.
Aquarius: Your ID will get lost next time you go to the bar and your almost twin will come into existence at the same time. What a coincidence.
Pisces: I saw your sex tape and I wish I hadn’t. Solid D- I think.