Why Batman Isn’t “The Man”

Justin Lovell, Sports Editor

“The Dark Knight Rises” was one of the most anticipated films ever in the movie industry. After the outstanding effort of “The Dark Knight,” “The Dark Knight Rises” had huge shoes to fill. And fill them it did. This nearly three-hour spectacle enthralled audiences all summer, in particular with Tom Hardy’s portrayal of Bane, which was met with wide acclaim, much like Heath Ledger’s Joker in the previous film.

I for one loved this movie. Bane became one of my favorite movie villains and the movie in general is now a favorite of mine. After saying all this though, I have to come clean and say something many consider to be blasphemy. I hate Batman. I think he is the worst superhero ever.

By definition, Batman is, unfortunately, a superhero only because costumed hero is included. Costumed hero is a term for “superheroes” that actually have no superpowers, such as Batman. In fact, his powers are described to be the following: brilliant, genius level IQ, expert martial arts master, tech savvy and a billionaire. That same description can be used about Mark Zuckerberg if he was a martial arts expert as well. To me, the fact that Batman only needs enough resources to exist, such as money, makes him instantly less cool. By comparison, superheroes with actual powers such as Spiderman or Superman can’t exist in our world, which makes them that much better. Superman can fly around the world and in space and Spiderman swings around the city and scales buildings. But Batman drives a car, uses a grappling hook and has the worst sidekick ever. The choice seems pretty clear to me but apparently not to everyone else.

When people try to convince me that Batman is the best, one reason is always used—the fact that Batman once beat Superman in a hand-to-hand fight. Yes, Batman has been able to stop Superman before on a few occasions but there is only one reason: kryptonite. Without that, Batman has zero chance of stopping Superman in a fight. Meanwhile, Superman has virtually limitless ways of easily killing Batman. He could pick him up and throw him in space, burn him with heat vision, freeze him with ice breath, use his super-strength, turn back time so Batman would never have been born or he could punch the whole fucking Earth into the Sun.

I’m not trying to come off as a Superman fanboy or anything, but the fact remains that I would take almost any superhero before Batman. Even Batman’s closest comparison, Iron Man, who is just a regular, smart, billionaire like Batman, is better because Iron Man has a suit that makes him super!

Obviously Batman has earned his place among superheroes; I can’t take that away from him. Being able to beat Superman no matter how it is done is impressive. But for me, if I have the option of being able to fly in space or swing around a city with webs or shoot fire from my body, I’m taking that over being rich and skilled in martial arts any day, no doubt about it.

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