Aries (March 21 – April 19)
As much as we can all sympathize with the desire to, you can’t afford to skip class to be outside when it’s sunny and skip class to stay in bed when it’s rainy. #SpringStruggle
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
During the transition from winter to summer, you’re likely to see a transition in yourself as well… from a borderline alcoholic to a full-fledged alcoholic.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Spring is often associated with rebirth; try to get your motivation and focus in school on board with this common spring theme.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Your allergies suck. Mainly for the people who have to listen to you sneeze, cough, and complain about them. Please invest in some Claritin, pronto.
Leo (July 23 – August 23)
Spring cleaning for you means finally getting rid of all those empties. Say goodbye to the musty smell of left-over beer and stale liquor.
Virgo (August 24 – September 22)
The sun rising earlier in the morning and setting later in the afternoon means the end of cuffing season. Get prepared to be let go.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
This Friday at the bar a beautiful stranger will chat you up, telling you how stunning and special you are. #APRILFOOLS
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Due tomorrow means do tomorrow; it’s worked all year, don’t mess with a good thing.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Don’t get overly excited about the warm(ish) weather. It might be 70 during the day, but by the time you’re going out at night in shorts or a skirt, it’ll be 30. And you’ll be judged.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
You enjoyed a long winter of complaining about how cold it was. Now you have about two months before you’re complaining about how hot it is. Enjoy this time.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Yes, it’s spring, but that doesn’t mean sunglasses season. It’s not that bright out, you’re just hungover.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Spring means waking up to birds singing outside your window… at 6 o’clock in the morning. Lucky for you, strict gun laws have still not been passed.
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