Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Your snapchat game has been a little lame lately, but maybe that’s just your friends trying to tell you that no one likes surprise nudes.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
When you start to feel down about yourself this week, throw yet another selfie up on Instagram. Those meaningless double-taps always give you the confidence to get through the week.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Tinder is not so much a dating app as it is the definition of shallow. It’s still fun, but try to see it as a type of game instead of a relationship-starter.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Although the Vine hype was short-lived, it provides a perfect medium for you to store the hundreds of cat videos you take. And there’s no better use for social media than cat videos.
Leo (July 23 – August 23)
Facebook has officially been converted to a media site for our elders to argue politics, so don’t listen when it tries to lure you in with “What’s on your mind?” All you’ll get is a disgruntled uncle telling you abortion should be outlawed, once and for all!
Virgo (August 24 – September 22)
If you haven’t located and deleted your Myspace yet, it’s absolutely time to do that, unless you want your future employer stumbling across your “Live Love Laugh” mirror selfie.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
The only thing you’ve ever done to yourself that’s more destructive than this past week’s binge drinking is Formspring.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Passive-aggressive tweeting is never as effective as talking. But if a publicized, dramatic, tweet-down is what this fight calls for, then release the thumbs! #twitterfingers
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Pinterest is great for planning way ahead. It has ideas for parties, gifts, decorating, DIY’s… just don’t let your significant other see the wedding or honeymoon folders.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
If you’re looking for excess social media to waste even more time, locate a middle-schooler’s tumblr. There is almost nothing as entertaining as the horrors of middle-school.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Video blogging, known as vlogging, can be incredibly cathartic and a fun form of expression. But only as long as you keep in mind that no one is actually going to watch your vlogs.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
In case you weren’t already aware, there is a way to disable your phone from getting group messages. Only when, or if, you’re ready to stop the nearly constant bitching.