Holidayscopes

 

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Calories don’t count during the holidays, so now is absolutely the time to eat cookies and fudge and drink hot cocoa or eggnog (or both, no judgment).

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

There’s always enough time to build a gingerbread house and then eat it all before you start your homework.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

The only thing worse than finals at “getting you into the holiday spirit” is the Hallmark channel. Because yes, those movies are, in fact, the absolute worst. 

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Michael Buble has the best holiday CD to date, in case you need a sophisticated holiday jingle playlist to help you through studying.

Leo (July 23 – August 23)

Don’t leave your holiday shopping for Christmas Eve, unless you plan on getting everyone in your family a howling-at-the-moon-wolf shirt. Which admittedly isn’t a horrible idea, everyone should have one.

Virgo (August 24 – September 22)

Homemade coupons for things you’ll do (i.e. cleaning the house or buying dinner) are only a good gift if you actually can and plan to follow through.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Winter break is basically hibernation for college students. So when you’re feeling like you can’t carry on, just remember you’re so close to being in a burrito-like position with a blanket for a month.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Go hard or go home when you’re decorating gingerbread cookies this year. No one wants to see the generic green Christmas tree and three buttoned gingerbread man.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

If the lack of snow around the upcoming holidays has been bumming you out, try to remember that winter usually lasts until March… sometimes April. Be happy with your snow-less time.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

As endearing as you find your Elf on the Shelf, it’s that creepy little elf that’s probably to blame for your lack of company lately.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Playing in the snow always sounds like a good idea, until one third of the snowman is built and you realize you don’t happen to have a corncob pipe lying around your house. Avoid the disappointment this year, stay inside.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Putting bells and antlers and little holiday sweaters on your pets is ALWAYS a good idea.