Beardscopes

 

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Beards are what happen when you’re too busy with life to worry about shaving. Be proud of your busy-beard.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

If you’re going with the ‘stache only look, try to avoid looking like a ‘80s porn director.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Stroking your beard increases concentration, cognitive ability. However, just stroking a beard doesn’t work the same, sorry ladies.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

33 percent of men in the U.S. have facial hair. 55 percent of men worldwide have facial hair. Help America to be better.

Leo (July 23 – August 23)

There are people who study beards professionally. A Pogonologist is a worthy cause to say the least, consider this career choice if you haven’t before.

Virgo (August 24 – September 22)

The fear of beards is called pogonophobia. Don’t have pogonophobia.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Beards grow faster in the daytime than in the nighttime, just incase you needed a reason to get up in the morning.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

If she says it’s her or the beard, she’s not ready for you. New relationships are exciting, new beards are… not nearly as exciting.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

The longest beard ever recorded was 17 feet and 6 inches long. Strive to be as successful as this man.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Beards make you wiser. Abraham Lincoln, Charles Darwin, Socrates, Shakespeare, Confucius… point closed. Be wise.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

It’s a myth that beards grow faster when you shave… so don’t!

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

98 percent of the Forbes “100 list of the world’s richest men” are clean-shaven. That leaves exactly two percent who have any sense at all. Be the two percent.