Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Beards are what happen when you’re too busy with life to worry about shaving. Be proud of your busy-beard.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
If you’re going with the ‘stache only look, try to avoid looking like a ‘80s porn director.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Stroking your beard increases concentration, cognitive ability. However, just stroking a beard doesn’t work the same, sorry ladies.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
33 percent of men in the U.S. have facial hair. 55 percent of men worldwide have facial hair. Help America to be better.
Leo (July 23 – August 23)
There are people who study beards professionally. A Pogonologist is a worthy cause to say the least, consider this career choice if you haven’t before.
Virgo (August 24 – September 22)
The fear of beards is called pogonophobia. Don’t have pogonophobia.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Beards grow faster in the daytime than in the nighttime, just incase you needed a reason to get up in the morning.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
If she says it’s her or the beard, she’s not ready for you. New relationships are exciting, new beards are… not nearly as exciting.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
The longest beard ever recorded was 17 feet and 6 inches long. Strive to be as successful as this man.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Beards make you wiser. Abraham Lincoln, Charles Darwin, Socrates, Shakespeare, Confucius… point closed. Be wise.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
It’s a myth that beards grow faster when you shave… so don’t!
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
98 percent of the Forbes “100 list of the world’s richest men” are clean-shaven. That leaves exactly two percent who have any sense at all. Be the two percent.