Marielle Genovesi– Culture Editor
Gemini: Even though the weather is getting warm, this doesn’t mean that there is an open invitation to whip out the bikini. Besides, you know you’re probably too pasty for that.
Virgo: This weekend you will throw a BBQ party at your place. Watch out when your neighbors ask if they can come chill on your roof too; it might be a trap.
Pisces: It will rain so hard that your clothes will become see-through and everyone will get a full visual of the “real you.”
Cancer: You will finally hear back about the internships you applied for over the summer, and you won’t get any of them. Looks like this summer is going to be a waste.
Libra: Everything that has been going right will suddenly go wrong. Gear up, I guess.
Scorpio: Don’t try anything new, because obviously you think that you know everything and therefore you should never ever need to do anything different.
Sagittarius: You will bring someone home from the bar this weekend, but after waking up in the morning, will realize that unbeknownst to you it was your housemate.
Capricorn: You’re a follower, but not like Jesus’ disciples. Like the bad kind. No one likes someone who is unoriginal.
Aquarius: You’re so broke that if you were so starving that you were close to death, you wouldn’t even be able to buy ramen. Eek.
Aries: Your family will go on vacation together instead of visiting you for Easter. How does it feel to be the unwanted child?
Leo: Beware of bad karma coming your way. I saw you steal someone’s breakfast sandwich at Jazzmans. Just so you know, they purchased that with their last 5 dollars. Clearly you’re the worst.
Taurus: You will slip on pizza in the middle of Tino’s and fall on your face, possibly breaking your jaw. Don’t worry, this might be an improvement to your face.
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