The State Tunes have revisited our resident astrologist, and the results are in!
Sagittarius: If you stand on the corner of Spruce and Dietz on the next new moon, someone will give you a cosmic cookie.
Aquarius: There could be hobo living in your basement. You might want to get that checked out.
Capricorn: Have your dreams been particularly vivid this week? Lay off the LSD.
Scorpio: You’ve always been a fiery soul, and the dead of winter is no exception. Share your warmth and start a cuddle puddle with Randos, you will be surprised the outcome.
Leo: A poet can survive everything but a misrpint.
Aries: Think no one notices that you haven’t washed behind your ears for the last 15 years of your life? Think again. This week someone will be watching.
Gemini: This is a good week for a threesome, but only because you’re feeling particularly schizophrenic.
Libra: Tip the scales in your favor by tipping your servers this week.
Taurus: Avoid any dark, dank, closed spaces. Basement parties, we’re talking to you.
Pisces: Get it on, girl/boyfriend. This is your month, not just because it’s your birth month, but also because Mercury is in Uranus. Make sure to stock up on your Astro(logical)-Glide.
Cancer: Group project? Don’t bother; you’ll get an F either way.
Virgo: Tomorrow, stay at the bar until closing. You will get a beer out of it.