Horriblescopes

Aries: You’ll forget to put the lid on the blender before you hit the “Go” button and watch your smoothie explode all over your kitchen.
Taurus: While attempting to get into the Standing Split pose in yoga class your pants will tear, revealing your neon underwear. Hot.
Gemini: You will try on a shirt only to realize that it is way too small. Then, while trying to get it off you will become completely stuck and have to ask the person working to help you out. Now that’s embarrassing.

Cancer: An old man will approach you at Walgreens while you’re looking at condoms and give you his opinions on which ones to buy and which ones to avoid. Yikes.

Leo: After staying up until 4 a.m. studying for an exam you’ll wake up and eat what you think is a normal brownie. Well, it’ll turn out to be a “special” brownie and you will sleep through the entire exam.

Virgo: Wasted at the bar, you’ll run into a professor you had three years ago and start yelling at him/her about that  52  he/she gave you on that essay.’
Libra: After being in college for four years and applying to multiple jobs and internships, you will finally notice that you forgot the “b” in objective. Not very professional of you.

Scorpio: A sign will be put on your apartment door saying that your landlord owes $4,000 in the next two days or else your heat and electric will be shut off. Yeah, they’re not going to pay that.

Sagittarius: As you’re leaving Denny’s the waiter will come up to you and ask if you’d like to catch a movie later. Then he’ll proceed to tell you he asked you out of all your friends because you looked like you’d be single.

Capricorn: Your laptop will get stolen from the trunk of your car and all the police will do is say, “Well trunks aren’t such a great place for laptops.”

Aquarius: Your doctor will tell you that you have an STD but then a nurse will come running in and tell the doctor she’s in the wrong room. That was a close one.

Pisces: You’ll walk around an entire day with a “Kick Me” sign on your back. Yes, that still happens in college.