Aries (March 21 – April 19)
There’s no “I” in team– but if you rearrange the letters, there’s a “me,” proving that group work sucks and you can only rely on yourself to get things done right.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
If you’re actually trying to move past a problem this week, quit beating the dead horse. No one likes someone who kicks already dead animals. Because that’s pretty messed up.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
You should be thanking the person who left you high and dry this week. When you think about it, that’s really not a bad position to be in.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Being on cloud nine has been great for you, but there’s no reason not to attempt to jump on over to cloud ten soon.
Leo (July 23 – August 23)
Do what you have to do to get answers this week– curiosity killed the cat, not the human.
Virgo (August 24 – September 22)
Your current strive to be a dime isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as long as you don’t turn into a dime a dozen in the process.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
People have been telling you that you need a wake up call. Feel free to let them know that your iPhone has an alarm system that works perfectly well. #DreamOn
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
You’ve been priding yourself on how rarely you’ve let others rain on your parade. But you’ve never even had a parade.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
This week you need to stop beating around the bush. Don’t even beat near the bush– that should be an in-house activity only.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
It’s going to become increasingly important this week to address the elephant in the room, because if it gets much bigger you’ll owe your landlord thousands in repairs.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Rolling with the punches will not be the best way to handle things this week. Unless you would like to be continuously punched, then go ahead and roll.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
As little as you care about your current classes and tests, you need that degree. Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater– but more importantly, don’t throw the degree out with your upcoming tests.