Shana Belfast, Contributing Writer
My name is Shana Belfast, and I am a senior at SUNY Oneonta. I am a neurodivergent young woman. One of my conditions is Tourette’s Syndrome. Tourette’s is a disorder of the nervous system that causes involuntary movements that are known as “tics”. These movements can be vocal or motor.
I am not alone. A few weeks ago at the British Academy Film Awards (BAFTA), John Davidson, a white man with Tourette’s, who has spent much of his life advocating for acceptance of people with the disorder and was at the event because a film about his life was being honored, tic’ed the N word while two black men were on stage. Many people were offended, believing that his words must reflect his racist beliefs.
As a person with tics, I know this is not true. I am a black woman who detests the word, yet I have tic’ed it in the past. Both John Davidson and I have a form of Tourette’s called Coprolalia. A person with Coprolalia experiences the overwhelming urge to vocalize in a way that is taboo for them, such as shouting, being derogatory, or cursing. Often, the more the person tries to suppress the tic, the greater the chance that it will be blurted out.
I’ve seen on social media comments from people asking why John Davidson waited until two black men were on stage to tic the word if it was not about being racist. Why didn’t he tic the N-word before that? The reality is that tics are triggered by the thought of embarrassment. I feel the urge to tic most when I am in a quiet environment like a library. As a black person, I know the painful history of the N-word. However, I also personally know the pain of being judged for something that I have no control over.
I did not always have tics. I developed them during my senior year of high school, which was a very stressful time because of the COVID pandemic. I went back to school after being remote and made a noise that startled the teacher. Over the next few days, the noises continued. I do not know if the stress of the pandemic caused my onset of tics.
College came with a lot of stress and anxiety, which is a major tic trigger. In class, I had to step out at times. However, I did not want to miss class. Managing my tics along with my academics and my health (I also have type 1 diabetes) was exhausting. It’s a cycle: anxiety causes tics, and trying to suppress tics causes more anxiety. When going to social events, I was nervous that I would have an obscene tic and everybody would look at me.
College has not been all stress. I’ve had good experiences and made great friendships. My friends here are caring, fun, and understanding of my condition. I am sure my favorite SUNY Oneonta memories after graduation will include hanging out at the Latte Lounge with them. My advice to freshmen who are having difficulty making connections is to put yourself out there and join activities that interest you. Not everybody is going to want to be your friend, and that is okay. Try not to feel upset if you do not click with people. There will always be someone else who will want to get to know you.
I’ve also learned the importance of seeking help during stressful times. Throughout my college years, talking to a therapist really helped me to feel seen with my struggles. Therapy also helped me gain tools and coping skills I could use in stressful situations related to the tics. Getting active by going on walks outside has also helped me regulate my emotions and feel less anxious. Being outdoors helps me get my mind off anxious thoughts, and I tic less when I am outdoors.
If you have tics, are neurodivergent, or feel different, know that you are not alone. If you see a person who makes noises that may sound disruptive on campus, know that they may experience tics or have Tourette’s, as I do. For everybody to feel safe on campus, it is important to be aware and understanding of human differences.
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